Christmas (and other) Cheer

Ahhhhh. Let's reflect for a moment on Christmas, and other 'cheer.'

Our family enjoys different traditions that we've come to look forward to each year.

Christmas Eve is spent with John's Dad (Boo) and his wife (Cici). There is a long-standing tradition of the Fareses getting together Christmas Eve, and our children expect to go to Boo & Cici's the day before Christmas! My husband grew up going to his Farese grandparents on Christmas Eve--exchanging gifts with cousins and sharing the anticipation of the most cherished day of the year. I included a photo of our girls at the "little table" Cici always provided! The afternoon of Christmas Day is spent with John's sweet mother and her family. The 'Stannard' side of the family gets together at their compound in Holly Springs [side note: YES, I'm aware my side of the family is missing from our Christmas traditions and I'm slightly bitter, but that's another post!] John's mother and her husband have a beautiful home next to her sister, John's aunt Vicki, and her husband. Vivian & Vicki are MommyDivas from way back--honey, they can do it all. Vivian decks her halls beautifully--I have a 'bit' to live up to! In spite of suffering from breast cancer (and her husband recently recovered from lung cancer) my mother-in-law graciously had us to her home Christmas Day. Thanks be to God for traditions that keep all of us motivated during exceedingly difficult times. Vivian and Smitty have been an inspiration--when the worst comes you live each day with resolve, dignity and as much strength as you can muster.

We always get together and exchange gifts with our dear friends the Tannehills. We do this a few days before Christmas and this year we went to their house....we enjoyed a delicious meal and their home was decorated beautifully. As dear friends do, we always feel at ease with the Tannehills. We have loads of fun together--laughing, talking and catching-up.

We also have a tradition of getting together with our friends the Greens and Callicutts--and the children decorate cookies for Santa. This is really one of our favorite activities during the holiday. The iced cookies are delicious--this year Kate made over 60 cookies for the kids to decorate (we are definitely getting her some help next year) and our barn proved to be an easy place for the kids to get reeeeeealy messy while icing and decorating their Christmas-shaped cookies! I'll get the recipe from her and post....MommyDiva you really MUST work this tradition into your holiday next year...or perhaps Valentine's??

Speaking of Valentine's--my Vixen friends will recall a time when we made cookies in college for our significant others--my pre-cooking days--and my cookies were U-G-L-Y....ahhhhh. They laughed at my cookies. It's true. I remember. And I know those hussies do too! Also, I remember Maria--see her blog at left "Life in the Afternoon" was particularly proud of HER cookies....and I vivdly remember Dr. Ash GLOATING about hers! Someone has photos that document my hell-ish confections. Holla Holla Vixens!!

And...eat your heart out while viewing our cookies for Santa! Maybe I'll send cookies your way for Valentines....while I'm "writing a letter to the Editor." And maybe Gregg Graham is reading THIS post!!!!!!! LOL.....For those of you who don't know Dr. Ash...she is reeeeeally good at--well, many things but I'm thinking right now of her uncanny ability to distract baseball players during their minor league game.....Honey, it was "Sweet Briar night" at the Lynchburg Red Sox game. Of course, WE were the cutest girls there!!! Honey, the cutest in all of Virginia as far as that goes! Dr. Ash, you MUST meet my friend RT--who also had a penchant for baseball players during college....

I don't mind telling you I feel very Blessed by the friendships I have made through the years--these women keep me sane! My girlfriends, my sister, my mother, my Dad's wife and my in-laws--all women I refer to as MommyDivas--help me stay grounded and navigate the rollercoaster ride of motherhood! (And, of course, my beloved Buford T.)

I wish each of you an AUTHENTIC 2010....honey, it ain't gonna be perfect! But life as a mother is rich and full and glorious....most days. There are moments...it f-ing sucks.

So....I wish you an AUTHENTIC 2010...'happy' is blase MommyDivas.

YOU deserve more!

Hi-Ho Hi-Ho, It's Off to Work I Go.....

Hey-Ho. Yes, yes, yes of course I have Christmas on my mind like every other stark-raving-mad-MommyDiva this time of year!!! But I wanted to chat with you about something other than the holidays.

I don't know if I've mentioned on the blog that I'm doing legal work again but....I'm doing legal work again. And I'm excited to feel engaged with my career again! The beginning of this road is a little scary but familiar and very satisfying.

Last week I accompanied hubby to court. I wanted to re-acquaint myself with domestic hearings and I wanted to take the opportunity to re-introduce myself to the Judge--who is a lovely woman and excellant Judge, with FIVE children of her own--a true MommyDiva!!! She is an inspiration.

"All Rise" the bailiff announced, in a loud firm voice. As the Judge walked in, the courtroom full of people came to their feet and I felt a strange comfort....this scene was familiar to me...this was not awkward at all (although my heart raced a little for hubby).....

"Hear ye, hear ye" the bailiff continued, and as I scanned the courtroom full of clients, families, court personnel and lawyers I realized there were no female attorneys. Not one. I counted seven or eight attorneys waiting to be heard, sitting with their court files, watching as the female Judge took the bench. In addition, my husband and counsel-opposite sat at their respective tables ready for the hearing, and their presence equaled nine or ten practicing attorneys in the courtroom--all male. I didn't bring this to hubby's attention, and if I had it wouldn't--it couldn't--have meant the same thing to him that it means to me, or to any woman. And I don't put too much emphasis on this fact, really, except to say that I noticed.



And...maybe the next time I'm in that courtroom there willl be at least one practicing female attorney!

Thanks Willie...

As I walked through our bathroom to the laundry room THIS is what I encountered!

No. Growing up in Kentucky we didn't have lizards....or armadillos.

Yes. I jumped outta my skin when I saw him perched on our counter.

Clearly he (or she) are they asexual? Let's call it a 'he'--honey you know Mama lizard back at the ranch holding down the lizard-hole while this dude is runnin' around exploring. So. He is not that big, however, his presence was unexpected and I let out a shrill. Kids run in--"Mama what is it?" "Get me the broom" I say as I march toward the kitchen to the fetch the broom. The kids can't move quickly enough, I think, gotta do it myself--"Mamie can get it," my youngest declares. That's already crossed my mind. Our housekeeper-she picks them up by the tail and casually pitches him-or her-outside. I tried. I walked toward the lizard and took a deep breath.....and even reached for the long tail. Will his tail drop off? Or is that a chameleon? In my mind, I see myself holding the thin tail and the lizard wildly wriggling toward my wrist.....Nope. Can't do it. So I go for the broom. I hold the broom trying to get the small-minded beast to jump on. He races toward the corner of the mirror. I lay the broom out again, hoping he'll race up it and then I'll run outside....

He scoots to the edge of our counter....and then, incredibly, does a 'hail Mary' jump onto the bathroom floor. "Eeeeek" our children scream and run backwards to our closet. "Get in the shower" one of them screams. I'm stunned by the lizard's jump. Damn. Surely he's dead.

He wiggles around....and I begin sweeping him. If I can get him over the threshold and into the hallwayI think, we're almost outside. I give him a firm whack and he rolls into the hallway. As I scoot pass the door and get my broom ready for the next threshold....there stands our faithful dog Willie. Relief! Willie stands firm and looks at me....he senses tension, I see it in his stance.

I give the lizard a tap, "Look Willie," and Willie knows from the tone of my voice he has a treat. Willie braces his legs and eyeballs the little reptile.....before I can speak he pounces the lizard--I see the lizard wriggling--Willie readjusts his mouth and takes the green little varment outside.

Ahhhhh. Willie. Of course. Why didn't I think of him sooner.

I'm slightly embarrassed that I didn't just pick up the lizard.....what would Ma Ingalls have done? She could do it. My Appalachian ancestors could have picked it up--hell, they might have boiled it up for dinner.

I've been thinking lately about how comfortable life is today. I think of the struggles other generations of Americans have faced. I think of the suffering in other parts of the world. As a society and Nation we don't value the Blessings of freedom, of having plenty of food and shelter. When we're too hot we turn up the air conditioning and if we're too cold we turn up the heat. Gotta give a shout-out to hubby Buford T., who builds an exceptional fire and impresses me as a person who could truly live off the land. Me? I'd be fine, as long as I can bring Willie.

Ma Ingalls had a dog, I reassure myself. That's why pioneers had dogs--for protection and help as much as companionship. I'm not advocating we get a covered wagon, move out West and live in a yert, but I do want to be more intentional about counting my Blessings. Like our faithful dog Willie.

Let Them Eat Cake...

This isn't Ms. Ellis' World History class. And I'm not Marie Antoinette.
I could try her "up-do." Would seriously be better than the frizzy, singed-out do I'm sporting these days. (Bangs cut. Sad wave in them. Threw away cheap Conair straightening-iron. And, I need a hot oil treatment--pronto.)

This post isn't about world history.....rather, it's about my failings as a parent.
Yes. I let them eat birthday cake for breakfast.

Listen hussies, I told you I'm worn-out from making decisions for FOUR people everyday.
Thinking, anticipating, planning for FOUR people....Buford T. is on his own. Except when he has to microwave a hot dog--make that thinking and reasoning for FIVE people on a daily basis.

Yes.....I'm aware that my children are young.
Yes.....I'm aware that it takes stamina to raise children.
No. I'm NOT giving up or throwing in the towel......
I simply let them eat cake for breakfast.

We're all out-of-sorts this morning.

Fall break is today. No school. We made plans to go to the zoo and its raining--AGAIN!!!
You people in Seattle (one of my James step-brothers & his wife).....you get the prize for mental toughness. I didn't mind the first TEN days.....we were very dry. No kidding. Since we have a yard to maintain I now appreciate the benefit of a good soaking rain. HOWEVER. That's been many rainy days and nights ago.

Not to mention our wood steps are slick-as-snot. Sorry. It's true.
I fell last week. With heels on. My son witnessed it. I laid there trying to get attention from my daughters, who were waiting for me in the car. No luck. Typical. Little hussies. "Mama, you ok?" The steps are steep enough to warrant a sympathetic initial reaction. "Yes." I respond meekly. Secretly, I'm hoping they tell their Daddy....that's who I really want the sympathy from.
You know, just a little extra attention for Mama......

"Well, if you're ok... come on." My oldest says impatiently, "We're gonna be late!"
Hm-hum.
My boy is worried sick about me for the next week. Every time I get near the steps he warns me, "Mama BE careful." "Mama they wet." "Hold my hand Mama...I hep you."

Sorry. I digressed.
In lieu of the zoo we're going skating. I hope. If it's open.......if not, we'll be at Wal-Mart buying all kinds of worthless shi!......

My new trump card is threatening to embarrass them.
I tell my daughters that I might even roller-skate. (Think Y.M.C.A.--honey, this Mama logged many hours skating in the basement under the glow of a disco ball).

"If either of you throw a fit when it's time to leave, I'll embarrass you like you've never seen."I say curtly.
I can't handle a hissy-fit episode by them today. I think. Not with my shitty bangs, dry hair and our foiled plan to the zoo. "Maaaa-ma." They giggle. "What will you do?" I've stumbled upon an effective game. Now that my oldest is old enough to voice, "Don't embarrass me Mama." I reciprocate. "I'll skate backward," I declare. "Caroline can skate backward," my oldest announces. Huh. Not enough, I think. I won't have a scene.
"Well. I'll drop-down and" [**visual--hands in the air, squat, one-leg out, knee bent, and wobble**] "Nooooo. NO." They wave me off, mid-squat. "Maa-ma. No way."
Success. I'm slightly concerned with their over-reaction--did I look THat bad? Probably.
This is why MommyDivas leave the 'skating' to their children......at all costs you must avoid a wipe-out. Permissible to have on skates to help young children but skating backwards, or otherwise, 'performing' is a complete and total embarrassment to yourself and motherhood. Honey, surely you've 'been-there-done-that!"
Mama, you only have permission to engage in such conduct IF you are retaliating.
And then, you better be certain your body will now move in the same way it did when YOU were in the fourth grade. Doubtful.

MommyDiva is Born...or Buh-Bye Soccer Mom, Hello MommyDiva!

No. No. No.
It's not 1971.....
And no, I'm not doing a post on birth stories (later).....
Yet, I'm quite sure a MommyDiva was 'born' today-- a stellar woman having given birth to a precious child!

So. Having given birth to 3 precious children and having exited the legal profession--for a variety of reasons (later)--I was impatient about staying home exclusively and not doing any 'paid work.' Our youngest was 7 months. I had a housekeeper 2 days a week, I think. My oldest in school full-time and the middle at pre-school half-day. I give you this information because it is pertinent to my situation at the time. Until all 3 of my children were in school full-time (8-3) I would not pursue my legal career again.


I decided to pursue something completely different than what I was trained to do.

Hosting trunk shows and selling women's clothing would be exciting and fun. A challenge. I would also get a discount on the clothing. Perfect. I could be at home full-time but be involved in a business venture.


I had to name the new agency. Hmmmmm.


I envisioned my girlfriends (those who live here and those out-of-town), and other women in town who I thought might be interested in the clothes.
Some of these women work. Some stay-home. Some of them have part-time work.
Most of them have children.
They are professionals. They are artists. They are innovators.


"Girls playing dress-up" kept coming to mind. Every woman I know is a 'girl' at heart.
Don't the boys know this? Just like every man is a 'boy' at heart. We are no different.
It's just a matter of peeling back the layers of responsibility and anxiety we face, daily, as mothers.


Somehow 'girls' didn't do my friends and acquaintances justice.
We like to be 'girly.' But we have also faced and survived....lived to tell about and share meaningful life experiences. These women deserve more, I thought. "Girls" isn't enough.


And, it's not about whether you work or stay-home, I concluded.
(MommyWars are OUT!)
It's about mothering our children.
It's about being the very best mother we can be.
It's about maintaining our individuality as women, while mothering. We must.


Soooooooo. MommyDiva.

MommyDiva??? Is that gay sounding?? Who the fu$! cares-I like it.
Mamadiva? No--too southern.
mommydiva? That shi! reminds me of ee cummings.....
MommyDiva.
Huh. I love it, I thought. Yea. MommyDiva. That's it. That's the name I'll give my new agency.

My friends...childhood, college, law-school, and adult--these women in my life are MommyDivas.
My mother...who continues to mother even though her 2 daughters have children of their own!
My sister...who has children AND is bringing home the bacon AND frying it up in the pan....

There are MommyDivas everywhere.
Single MommyDivas. Married MommyDivas.
MommyDivas of all racial and ethnic backgrounds.


We don't cease to be women with wants, desires and needs when we become mothers.
On the contrary, we should view our individuality as a responsibility to our family and children.
Honey, if Mama ain't happy, nobody is happy.


It's ok to say that mothering is one aspect of my life. Not my entire life.
Do you hear me hussy? It's ok. Do something for yourself. Do something aside from kids.
Claim your individuality MommyDiva!


I remember both parents telling me, you can never know how much a parent loves a child until you have your own. And I understand now. There is no greater reward than motherhood.
And no bigger challenge.....except being a wife.
I don't remember anyone telling me--ever-- how essential maintaing my individuality as a woman is to being an emotionally healthy, effective mother.

WE are the women who now carry the torch of motherhood.....

Buh-by 'soocer Mom.'


Hellooooooooo Mommy Diva!!!