Wednesday, March 10, 2010

A constant battle...

As I sit here tonight surfing the internet, I am so impressed with the amount of information available at our fingertips! Our household has been going non-stop with soccer practice, soccer games, baseball practice, swimming lessons, church and just the normal day-to-day, when I finally sit down to research a simple topic, I become easily overwhelmed with the amount of information available to read. Makes me want to take a vacation day from work just to sit in front of the laptop and get reacquainted with technology!! I think that is one thing that frustrates the hell out of me...once upon a time I fancied myself with being tech-savvy, only to now realize technology is blazing a trail I cannot keep up with!! I want so badly to be customizing the blog and creating this awesome space for all the MommyDivas to congregate and have fabulous discussions around topics of kids, self, hubbies, careers, and everything in between. BUT, every time I sit down to figure out how to add "We Are Family" as a theme song to the blog, I become so damn overwhelmed with "how tos" and "do it yourself" and all the techi jargon that goes along with the it! So, frustrated I am...I have all of these fabulous creative juices flowing through my head...but, the technology train has left me sitting at the station...and, that completely sucks!! I feel stuck!!

I'm beginning to realize the frustration I am carrying around is...first, I do have a creative side to me and I would LOVE to be able to express it through this blog. I would LOVE to sit and spend hours on the blog adding all of the fun links, lists, videos, tunes, playlists, etc....but, then I get frustrated because of the lack of time I have to devote to those creative ideas. That's when I start the battle in my mind about corporate life vs. non-corporate life...if I wasn't going downtown to the tall office building, sitting in the board room, working on loans, investment management, and all that stuff...I could be tapping into the creative side and doing something else. Then, that naturally leads me to contemplate the lifestyle I love...and then my mind comes full circle..."it's not an option...I can't give up a guaranteed salary for uncertainty. Could I ever have the income stream I have now actually doing soemthing outside of the corporate world"...that uncertainty scares the absolute shit out of me, and makes me break into cold sweats!! So, I stop contemplating leaving the corporate world...although, having a job in this county would be nice...that would be one step closer...maybe?!? Fear steps in...I look away...why?? Corporate is "safe" to's what I've done for 15 years...although, in today's economy, is anything really "safe"??

So, here I sit complaining and not really finding a solution...although, I am trying to create a solution...I'm trying to do both. I'm trying to maintain my career, grow up the corporate ladder...which has recently requested that I become more "involved" in the community...really?? And, with what time would they like me to do that with?? Anyway, while the corporate life is my day job...and, for the record...I do get a thrill out of "getting the deal done". I do enjoy many aspects of the corporate world...and, I do feel I am damn good at it, which in itself is a definite plus. The corporate world has been good to me, and I owe it a few more good years! BUT, being Mom and the creative side is a passion!

I guess this is a constant individual battle we all struggle with at times...are we passionate about what we are doing? Are we doing what we are passionate about? In a time of such uncertainty...I am so thankful to know there is one thing I am passionate about, and I am blessed to be able to be doing it every single day of my life...and that is being my children's mother! So...yes, I may continue to be in the corporate world for an unknown amount of time, and yes, I will probably still try to find a way to tap into my creativity, and yes, I will continue to fight this battle in my mind of corporate vs. non-corporate for who knows how long.

But, one thing I will never complain about and always be passionate about is my kiddos! And...there ain't anything sweeter than my 5 year old brining me a plate of supper then leaning over to kiss his sleeping baby sister that is laying beside me on the couch...God bless these babies...on that note, I believe it is time to "sign off"!

Until later...cheers, my friends!

No comments:

Post a Comment