Sunday, October 25, 2009

Birthday Boy....


Happy Birthday to our nephew!!! Today--the 25th-- is his special day.

Our nephew who lives in Nashville--Sammy's little boy. (side note--we have another nephew who has a birthday coming up soon!)

We had a pre-birthday slumber party at Nana's (always fun!)
And birthday breakfast at Nana's.....with his cousins!
In fact, we got to spend the entire weekend with Aunt Sammy and her family. What a treat!
Nana & Big Woo are worn-ass out...but we all LOVED it....


I told our nephew how five years ago, when I got 'the call' from FL that he was on the way, my older daughter and I flew down to meet him. In fact, he'd heard this story before--"Aunt Muffin, YOU came down to see me." Yes we did.

My older daughter, who I took with me (she was just shy of 5 herself!), remembers only that Mama got pulled over on the way to the airport.
"Don't you remember how the beach was covered in shells?" I prod my oldest daughter, as I tell my version of our nephew's birth story. "Papa & Gigi were there, and we met them at the hospital. And stayed in the room next to them in the hotel. And he was such a big, pretty boy." I smile and tell my nephew and his cousins.
"Nahh." My oldest daughter responds matter-of-factly. "Mama, I just remember that police man pulling you over for speeding..... And also, Mama remember you hit that thing in the airport--our car hit that thing...." as she motions over-head.
"Yea." Of course I remember, I think.
I barrelled into one of those "clearance" bars. Obviously, the Birmingham airport was in dire need of renovation at the time--you never actually expect to hit one of those things....

Aside from cherishing the memory of being with my sister to welcome her first-born, and holding my precious nephew when he was just a day-old, want to know my other favorite part of Jonathan's birth story??

When I made the mad-dash to FL Buford T. graciously, and lovingly stayed with our second daughter, who was 2 yrs. 3 mos., at the time.

Upon my return from FL, 3 days and 2 nights later, Buford T. had single-handedly undone months of work and attention.
My second daughter was NO LONGER POTTY-TRAINED and she stuttered.
Yep.
It's true.

Further, Buford T. suffers from selective memory loss. He can remember the down and yardage in a 1988 football game against rival Magnolia Heights, but honey, don't expect him to remember the scenario I'm describing to you now.
In fact, it's likely that he will vehemently deny the aformentioned predicament.

MommyDivas you know the truth. That's why I love chatting with you.
In fact, you may have had a similar experience.
Mother knows best.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

OMG...I am one speechless MommyDiva!!!

Words cannot even begin to express the variety of emotions I experienced when I saw this video...and, the only words I can possibly come up with right now is...Holy Shit!! Sorry ladies...there isn't anything "pretty" about this...but, if you do not laugh your absolute entire ass off at this then I don't know what kind of MommyDiva you are! Until later...cheers my friends!

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Running "Ninety-to-Nothin"

I first heard this particular phrase when I began practicing law.
My divorce client said, "Weez runnin' ninety-to-nothin."
What he meant to convey was that he was in a real hurry.
That he was running crazy.

The same client had a penchant for Southern slang.
To convey his deep and abiding love for another he would say, "I love her to the tenth power." Hmm. Well. We're good at math. You know, Southerners are reeeeealy good at math and some of us like to use our mathematics terminology in other situations.

So. Like my former client, I was runnin' ninety-to-nothin' last week.
(And, I love Buford T. to the tenth power!)

Between football, pumpkin-patch field trips, planning for supper club and general all-Hallow's-eve preperation, I expect to be runnin' ninety-to-nothin' for the next TWO weeks.

In fact, MommyDivas we'll be runnin' ninety-to-nothin' the REST OF THE YEAR!!!
It's true. You know it. I know it. We all know it. Let's make the best of it. Really.

I have NO choice but to put on a happy face....

If I stop to consider that all (let's be fair to Buford T) ok, not all but much of the magic to be made throughout the holiday season, including my precious daughter's 10th birthday tea party, falls squarely on my shoulders....well, when I think of creating all this 'magic' I want to run straight up I-65 to Franklin, KY, and let MY Mama handle all these events.
But I can't.....
Of course, I won't.
That doesn't mean I'm not tempted.
It doesn't mean my own Mama won't have a hand in some of the 'magic' that happens here.
After all, grandparents and family are part of the magic!

No hussies....I'm not Pollyanna.
I know the stresses and pressures motherhood places on us--especially this time of year.
But what other choice do we have? Give up? Hell f-ing no.

Happy faces girls.
We're goin' ninety-to-nothin' --fulfilling all the wonderful, joyful and sometimes painful roles that motherhood presents us.
It's our turn.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Let Them Eat Cake...

This isn't Ms. Ellis' World History class. And I'm not Marie Antoinette.
I could try her "up-do." Would seriously be better than the frizzy, singed-out do I'm sporting these days. (Bangs cut. Sad wave in them. Threw away cheap Conair straightening-iron. And, I need a hot oil treatment--pronto.)

This post isn't about world history.....rather, it's about my failings as a parent.
Yes. I let them eat birthday cake for breakfast.

Listen hussies, I told you I'm worn-out from making decisions for FOUR people everyday.
Thinking, anticipating, planning for FOUR people....Buford T. is on his own. Except when he has to microwave a hot dog--make that thinking and reasoning for FIVE people on a daily basis.

Yes.....I'm aware that my children are young.
Yes.....I'm aware that it takes stamina to raise children.
No. I'm NOT giving up or throwing in the towel......
I simply let them eat cake for breakfast.

We're all out-of-sorts this morning.

Fall break is today. No school. We made plans to go to the zoo and its raining--AGAIN!!!
You people in Seattle (one of my James step-brothers & his wife).....you get the prize for mental toughness. I didn't mind the first TEN days.....we were very dry. No kidding. Since we have a yard to maintain I now appreciate the benefit of a good soaking rain. HOWEVER. That's been many rainy days and nights ago.

Not to mention our wood steps are slick-as-snot. Sorry. It's true.
I fell last week. With heels on. My son witnessed it. I laid there trying to get attention from my daughters, who were waiting for me in the car. No luck. Typical. Little hussies. "Mama, you ok?" The steps are steep enough to warrant a sympathetic initial reaction. "Yes." I respond meekly. Secretly, I'm hoping they tell their Daddy....that's who I really want the sympathy from.
You know, just a little extra attention for Mama......

"Well, if you're ok... come on." My oldest says impatiently, "We're gonna be late!"
Hm-hum.
My boy is worried sick about me for the next week. Every time I get near the steps he warns me, "Mama BE careful." "Mama they wet." "Hold my hand Mama...I hep you."

Sorry. I digressed.
In lieu of the zoo we're going skating. I hope. If it's open.......if not, we'll be at Wal-Mart buying all kinds of worthless shi!......

My new trump card is threatening to embarrass them.
I tell my daughters that I might even roller-skate. (Think Y.M.C.A.--honey, this Mama logged many hours skating in the basement under the glow of a disco ball).

"If either of you throw a fit when it's time to leave, I'll embarrass you like you've never seen."I say curtly.
I can't handle a hissy-fit episode by them today. I think. Not with my shitty bangs, dry hair and our foiled plan to the zoo. "Maaaa-ma." They giggle. "What will you do?" I've stumbled upon an effective game. Now that my oldest is old enough to voice, "Don't embarrass me Mama." I reciprocate. "I'll skate backward," I declare. "Caroline can skate backward," my oldest announces. Huh. Not enough, I think. I won't have a scene.
"Well. I'll drop-down and" [**visual--hands in the air, squat, one-leg out, knee bent, and wobble**] "Nooooo. NO." They wave me off, mid-squat. "Maa-ma. No way."
Success. I'm slightly concerned with their over-reaction--did I look THat bad? Probably.
This is why MommyDivas leave the 'skating' to their children......at all costs you must avoid a wipe-out. Permissible to have on skates to help young children but skating backwards, or otherwise, 'performing' is a complete and total embarrassment to yourself and motherhood. Honey, surely you've 'been-there-done-that!"
Mama, you only have permission to engage in such conduct IF you are retaliating.
And then, you better be certain your body will now move in the same way it did when YOU were in the fourth grade. Doubtful.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Where is my "easy" button...??

Ever seen this fabulous red button...ever feel like you need to have one handy to help get from one task to the next?

Hell, I'm thinking I need one attached to my hip to get from one day to the next...from home in the mornings, to dropping off the kids at daycare, to the office, to dealing with office responsibilities (another post within itself), to picking the kids up from daycare, to home for a brief bite to eat (no gourmet meals these days...lucky to get chili and a pb&j), then to the ballpark, back home to get kids in the bed, do some laundry, dishes and finally get in bed yourself only to wake-up and start all over again...seriously?? Yes...seriously!

Well, my friends, that is where I am...actually, that is where I have been for the past couple of weeks...and, I have yet to see the light at the end of the tunnel (not even a glimpse!!)...so, scarce I have been on the blog...and, fortunately sis has kept the posts rolling...this MommyDiva shall return soon with posts and laughs...until then...

Where is my "easy" button??

MommyDiva is Born...or Buh-Bye Soccer Mom, Hello MommyDiva!

No. No. No.
It's not 1971.....
And no, I'm not doing a post on birth stories (later).....
Yet, I'm quite sure a MommyDiva was 'born' today-- a stellar woman having given birth to a precious child!

So. Having given birth to 3 precious children and having exited the legal profession--for a variety of reasons (later)--I was impatient about staying home exclusively and not doing any 'paid work.' Our youngest was 7 months. I had a housekeeper 2 days a week, I think. My oldest in school full-time and the middle at pre-school half-day. I give you this information because it is pertinent to my situation at the time. Until all 3 of my children were in school full-time (8-3) I would not pursue my legal career again.


I decided to pursue something completely different than what I was trained to do.

Hosting trunk shows and selling women's clothing would be exciting and fun. A challenge. I would also get a discount on the clothing. Perfect. I could be at home full-time but be involved in a business venture.


I had to name the new agency. Hmmmmm.


I envisioned my girlfriends (those who live here and those out-of-town), and other women in town who I thought might be interested in the clothes.
Some of these women work. Some stay-home. Some of them have part-time work.
Most of them have children.
They are professionals. They are artists. They are innovators.


"Girls playing dress-up" kept coming to mind. Every woman I know is a 'girl' at heart.
Don't the boys know this? Just like every man is a 'boy' at heart. We are no different.
It's just a matter of peeling back the layers of responsibility and anxiety we face, daily, as mothers.


Somehow 'girls' didn't do my friends and acquaintances justice.
We like to be 'girly.' But we have also faced and survived....lived to tell about and share meaningful life experiences. These women deserve more, I thought. "Girls" isn't enough.


And, it's not about whether you work or stay-home, I concluded.
(MommyWars are OUT!)
It's about mothering our children.
It's about being the very best mother we can be.
It's about maintaining our individuality as women, while mothering. We must.


Soooooooo. MommyDiva.

MommyDiva??? Is that gay sounding?? Who the fu$! cares-I like it.
Mamadiva? No--too southern.
mommydiva? That shi! reminds me of ee cummings.....
MommyDiva.
Huh. I love it, I thought. Yea. MommyDiva. That's it. That's the name I'll give my new agency.

My friends...childhood, college, law-school, and adult--these women in my life are MommyDivas.
My mother...who continues to mother even though her 2 daughters have children of their own!
My sister...who has children AND is bringing home the bacon AND frying it up in the pan....

There are MommyDivas everywhere.
Single MommyDivas. Married MommyDivas.
MommyDivas of all racial and ethnic backgrounds.


We don't cease to be women with wants, desires and needs when we become mothers.
On the contrary, we should view our individuality as a responsibility to our family and children.
Honey, if Mama ain't happy, nobody is happy.


It's ok to say that mothering is one aspect of my life. Not my entire life.
Do you hear me hussy? It's ok. Do something for yourself. Do something aside from kids.
Claim your individuality MommyDiva!


I remember both parents telling me, you can never know how much a parent loves a child until you have your own. And I understand now. There is no greater reward than motherhood.
And no bigger challenge.....except being a wife.
I don't remember anyone telling me--ever-- how essential maintaing my individuality as a woman is to being an emotionally healthy, effective mother.

WE are the women who now carry the torch of motherhood.....

Buh-by 'soocer Mom.'


Hellooooooooo Mommy Diva!!!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

MommyDiva Goes NUTS.....

This MommyDiva went NUTS yesterday......And I just had to tell you about it!

My little boyfriend was home sick from pre-school.

So. I'm home-again-for the day with my 3 year old son.

Like any good romance my son and I had an extraordinary honeymoon. In fact, the honeymoon with my litle boyfriend, who IS a "mini-me" of my darling hubby, lasted.....gosh, a good 2 1/2 years! Quite a romance. I fell HARD for this little man. You know, the last child (**crossing myself, thank you God for our Blessings but my heart is full**) and after 2 girls--a baby boy. Ahhhhhhh.

I would not have believed, nor would I have wanted to hear, or listen, when girlfriends said "a boy is just different." Alas, they are. But just like any good romance, our 'honeymoon' came to an end. It's bound to happen. The euphoria--the incredible, sensational overwhelming joy, and thrill, that flows from a new romance. So, when he received his first spank-down I declared the honeymoon over and I mourned, a little.

As relationships do, we have entered a bit of a 'dysfunctional stage.'
You know.....I frequently ask my little boyfriend, "Why are you yelling at me?"
Or, I find myself telling my little boyfriend, "You're just rude to me. Ask nicely."
Finally, my daughters will say to me, "Do something Mama. Aren't you going to spank him?"
Normally, yes. But MommyDivas.....I'm tired. And well he's only 39 months old. I mean he's been on this Earth....not very long. So, I give him some breaks.

Yesterday he and I had a fight. Over Lincoln Logs. I was helping him build a house.
"Play wif me Mama," he asks sweetly. Ok. Ok. So we're on the floor and I'm building a stellar cabin. When the devil appears. "NO!" "Not like that Mama." As 3 yr. olds do, he is trying to put the shorter log on the side.....and it doesn't fit......and I try and correct him.....and it just goes down him from there. I get pissed at me--and him--because I'm on the floor 'playing' after all.

Neither of us wants to be home.
He's better. And I want to be in a nice office practicing law somewhere, checking email and drinking coffee.

So. We venture OUTSIDE and go NUTS!!!

Truly. Walking around my yard always calms me down.
My son hops in his miniature Gator.....and collects sticks (doing man's work) "I workin' Mama."
And as we're collecting sticks, he spots an acorn. He laughs a big laugh at the little nut, holding it in his pudgy hand.
"His hat come off, Mama." Yes, it did I think. And I start collecting acorns with him. This collecting becomes a game. "Let's get a bag," I tell him. "Yea." He says excitedly.

And, as we gather acorns I am struck at the beauty and variety of their colors. Ranging from deep chocolate.....to a limey green. My favorites are the 'double acorns' and the ones that have a little stem.

I begin to have grandiose ideas......I can make wreaths for all of my windows.
I am Martha--I can do it.

The nuts are still in a pile. I doubt I'll take the time to hot-glue them to anything.
Of course, I'll have to buy a hot-glue gun first.

But getting outside. Collecting acorns.
Just being present in this wide-open world God made.
Prevented this MommyDiva from going NUTS......

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Company's Comin'--MommyDiva Decorating




As I write this the Rebels and Vandy are still playing. While most Rebel fans are focused on the game at-hand, this MommyDiva can't help but plan and think about our company comin' into town for the next 3 home football games! I do love hosting friends and family......


Next week is Alabama and my father (Papa) and his wife (Gigi) are coming in from AZ. The following week is Homecoming--and we have a tradition of attending the parade and visiting with Tupelo friends, and their 3 girls, who are the same ages as our children. The next weekend is the Arkansas game , I think, and my 2 Allen step-brothers are coming to visit my brother Will--and staying in our recently renovated 'barn.'


Soooooooooooo. Let's decorate hussies. Not everyone will have home-grown Native-American Indian corn (courtesy of my step-Dad, who my children affectionately call 'Big Woo') to fashion as garland, but I have faith in you girls that you will indulge in nature's bounty! No kidding. Don't let this glorious season pass without adequately adorning your home with pumpkins, gourds and the like. You're creating memories MommyDiva.....


My sister will be jealous of the corn garland and corn bundles that will welcome Papa & Gigi back East from Arizona. A big thank you to my mother for helping tie the garland....and to my little boyfriend for helping also. No thanks to Buford T. who has little appreciation for corn bundles and garland!!!


Coming soon............pumpkin cheese ball!!!!!!!
Yes, Mississippi has a corner on cute.....

Honey, stop lookin' around, we're the cutest girls here!!!

Holla Holla to my Vixen friends!!!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Dear Lord Baby Jesus

When I am at my wit's end.....
thinking of this "prayer" makes me LAUGH OUT LOUD!!!

Hope this helps YOU avoid a Mommy melt-down.





So Excited I Could Wet My Pants!

I'm so excited I could wet my pants and if I were more computer literate I would share photos, but that will have to wait.

I CLEANED OUT MY CLOSET!!! Glory!

The precipitous for this event was that my mother has been in town.
FYI, the best thing about my family is...we always know where we stand with one another.
The worst thing about my family is...we always know where we stand with one another.
So. The combination of comments by my mother about the state of my boudoir.....my inner-most sanctum (i.e. my closet), and the fact that I've been increasingly putting together outfits that are boring and un-original have driven me to ACTION!

My closet has been in shambles. And I've been relying on the same conservative, safe outfit that I wore to host our church newcomer's reception. You know, Worth jeans, Worth v-neck tee and long camel cardigan. Really nice clothes in autumnal colors but I've been feeling drab, kinda like I'm dressed like my mother. Dressing like my mother isn't bad-- she's always had a great sense of style, and a love of clothes and fashion. All the women in my family have a distinct, wonderful sense of style--I'm thinking of my Aunt Paula, my grandmothers and my Dad's wife, Judy. My grandmother Dran gave me a beautiful hand-woven cardigan that she bought in Lisbon in the 70's. I also vividly remember a red plaid pantsuit Dran wore when she worked in my grandfather's law firm. Every time Judy comes to visit us from Scottsdale she looks youthful and stylish. And her hair.....God, her hair looks great. She has a great haircut. Even my in-laws dress with style and flair....honey, you ain't seen nothing till you've walked up on hubby's Aunt Kay standing on the sidewalk in Oxford in what must've been a Chanel suit--big black glasses and cigarette in hand. That girl is hot! And hubby's Granny Farese who, to this day at age 93, shops only at Joseph's in Memphis for her shoes--honey she has no choice, she's a AA for goodness sake.

Lately, I've been stymied by my wreck of a closet!!!

So, I took action. For once in my life I executed. Instead of groping and moaning and talking about what I needed to do, I did it. And honey, it feels great!!!

You'll be happy to know that I was smiling--and about to wet my pants--as I gazed over the rainbow of colors that is my closet.......