Tuesday, September 22, 2009

"Why me, Lord???"

CAUTION: Tired MommyDiva makes for a rambling post that may not make much sense...read at your own risk!!

I don't even know where to begin with this post...the past 48 hours are nothing but an absolute blur...starting with a wonderful "why me, Lord" moment late Sunday night early Monday morning. Anna Grace was up all, and I mean all, night long...as I am walking the floor...we are bouncing, we are rocking, I am humming, I am praying, I am cussing...you name it, I said it (or at least thought it). I'm thinking... this baby girl is 8 1/2 months old...why in the hell isn't she sleeping all night, what in the world have I done to deserve 8 1/2 months of interrupted sleep? Yep, started given God a lecture...telling Him...I try to live a good life, and this is the thanks I get?...a baby that wakes up every night, multiple times...I can count on 1 hand the number of nights she has slept all night...why am I receiving this "punishment" of sleepless nights?? Then, at 4:30 I decided to just lay in the guest bed and let her crawl all over me...but then it was like a guardian angel appeared...it was Scott...he must have heard my constant up & down and realized that I needed some help...so, he graciously took the baby girl so I could sleep until 6:15...amazing what an hour & 45 minutes of sleep will do for you!

Actually, it's just enough sleep to function...not necessarily deal with the ongoing corporate BS I walked in on Monday morning! The office...sometimes I just have to say "whatever" when I think about that place...no need for details...just know that in a world where women are climbing the corporate ladder there are individuals...mainly men...that cannot stomach the idea of a female being in a position with more influence than them...much less receive instruction from one (i.e., me)!! And, if they think walking around the office all puffed up like a big ol' bull frog is going to change my, or anyone elses, opinion of them...then, come on now...they are a dumbass!

So...Monday afternoon rolls around...Anna Grace goes to the doctor...she has a sinus infection and a double ear infection. Now, who feels like the ass for getting so frustrated & being impatient with the little one when not sleeping the night before?? That would be me...BUT, with this new diagnosed illness do we really think it is a good time to try to get her to start crying herself to sleep at night...well, my wonderful husband that just rescued me earlier that morning thought this was perfect timing. Seriously, are you kidding me? At 11:30 at night, after the Tylenol has worn off, we are going to start this process of making her cry for "x" amount of minutes to see if she will get herself back to sleep...please, tell me you are joking...please tell me that while I slipped away to use the bathroom you didn't just implement this theory??? You got it...he did...granted, she did go back to sleep after 10 minutes which isn't that long (book says wait 15 minutes before going back in the room)...it was more of the timing...in my mind, starting this process should be done with a healthy child...not one that has a sinus infection and a double ear infection...but, who am I...just her mother?!?

Little sleep last night...same corporate BS today...but, you know everything came full circle while sitting at the doctor's office...I was called in to talk with the nurse...my doc had been called away b/c a patient had lost her baby at 18 weeks, had to deliver, then had complications after the delivery...talk about an absolutely sobering moment...talk about wanting to take back all of the shit things I said, and thought, while dealing with the past 48 hours of Anna Grace being sick...total reality check...I am so thankful to have these precious children to take care of...so, grumpy I may be, frustrated a bit, but thankful I will always be!

Until later...cheers my friends!


  1. Give my niece and nephew big kisses!! Let me know how the little princess is feeling. And, keep your game-face on Mama w/sleep issue. This too shall pass....

  2. hey sam. yesterday i was in your boat, well without the office mess, over silly little things that were making me frustrated, when i got news of a fellow air force family who lost their wife/mother this morning. Sara had been diagnosed with breast cancer after finding out she was pregnant with their first child. She did the surgery, as much chemo as they could do and all was well. Delivered a baby girl last week, a little early, but all was good. took her home a couple of days later and then friday she (sara, mom/wife) had a seizure, had to be taken to the hospital, and never came home. she passed away yesterday. so, that put me in my place REAL QUICK. isn't it funny how our perspective can get corrected once we realize how far off it is! hope the ears and sinuses clear up soon. and if it helps any, my baby who just turned 3 didn't sleep through the night till she was 14 months old. we made it. not that it was great fun, but you can do it!! =)

  3. Thanks for the encouraging words...always great to know there are others out there that have "been there, done that"! I guess that is what I love about this blog...great therapy for the soul!